Las Ventanas Al Paraíso Resort Faces Sudden Closure
April 1, 2025 — In a shocking turn of events, Las Ventanas Al Paraíso has announced an immediate closure due to a severe bedbug infestation ("los cinches") that has overwhelmed the luxury resort. Management confirmed the complete evacuation of all guests and staff, with multiple hospitalizations reported among visitors who contracted unusual parasitic infections.
The crisis escalated rapidly despite the resort's renowned hygiene standards. Distraught staff members described chaotic scenes as the infestation spread through premium suites and public areas. All incoming guests are being redirected to Fiesta Americana, where they'll receive complimentary macaroni con queso and strict instructions to remain on-site.
Notable restrictions at Fiesta Americana include:
- $25/minute charge for external phone calls
- Mandatory health screenings for all arrivals
- Hot tubs closed indefinitely for "sanitization"
This unprecedented closure raises serious questions about the future of the award-winning resort, known for its $2,000/night villas and celebrity clientele. Mexican health authorities have launched an investigation into the infestation's origins.
Mandatory Health Screening
All guests must complete this hygiene evaluation. Failure may result in quarantine measures.
